


Wilson's Surprise

by pulangaraw



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-25
Updated: 2009-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-02 05:50:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulangaraw/pseuds/pulangaraw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Housepiglet requested: "Wilson finds that House has liberated a lab-piglet from the PPTH research labs and has been keeping it secretly in his apartment...?" I complied.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Wilson's Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> Housepiglet requested: "Wilson finds that House has liberated a lab-piglet from the PPTH research labs and has been keeping it secretly in his apartment...?" I complied.

“House? Are you home?“ Wilson shouted as he opened the door to House's apartment. There was no answer. But... something smelled strange. Wilson sniffed.

He stepped fully into the apartment and looked around. There was a squeaky noise from the kitchen.

“House?“ Wilson asked again. What was that smell? He went to see where the noise had come from and found- a pig.

Whipping out his cellphone and dialling House's number was a matter of seconds. The line connected. “House. There's a pig in your apartment.“ Wilson said without preamble.

“It's a piglet. And what are you doing in my apartment?“

“What is a pig doing in your apartment?“

“It's a piglet. And it lives there. You, on the other hand, do not. And you haven't answered my question.“

Wilson rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced at the pig -let. “I was looking for you. Where are you? And you haven't answered my question either.“

“I have. I said it lives there. And I'm in my office. Big Belly Guy had a seizure and the kids didn't know what to do. Why were you looking for me?“

“I wanted to talk to you- never mind. Where did you get a pig from?“ The pig was watching Wilson now.

“Piglet. I rescued it. And what did you want to talk about?“

“Rescued it? Rescued it from what?“ Wilson was getting uncomfortable. That pig had really creepy eyes. Wilson had never liked pigs.

“The lab. They were going to test some weird anti-seizure drug on the poor thing.“

“The... That was you? You stole the pig from the lab? I heard them talk about it in the cafeteria yesterday. Why would you...? How...?“ Wilson sat down onto the sofa. “House, you're insane.“

“Why is it insane? People take in stray animals all the time. And you're avoiding my question. What did you want to talk about?“

“House. People take in dogs. Or cats. Or even rats. But not pigs. Why would you steal a pig? They're dirty and they smell.“

“Dog, pig, rat... what's the difference. And pigs are not dirty. That's just your Jewish fairy tales. They're actually very clean animals. You're still avoiding my question, which means it's either personal and you don't want to talk about it on the phone or you've changed your mind about it, which also means it's personal.“

Wilson rubbed his nose. Clean or not clean, the pig smelled. And not like roses. “It doesn't matter. You cannot keep a pig in your apartment. I'm calling the guys from the lab-“

“You will not,“ House interrupted him. “I need that piglet. It may be vital to the survival of my patient.“

“House, what have you done to that pig?“ Wilson glared at the animal intently. He couldn't see anything wrong with it, but that didn't have to mean anything.

“Nothing.“

“House.“

“I'm not gonna tell you, if you don't tell me why you wanted to talk to me.“

“House.“

“Nope.“

Wilson thought hard. He could either call the guys from the lab and have them take the animal back. But that would mean he'd have to spent even more time with the animal. And it would make House mad. Or he could just tell House and find out what he was really up to. Which would also get him away from the creepy pig. “Fine. I wanted to borrow your ice crusher. Amber wants to make some Caipiriñas. Now, what did you do to the pig?

“I gave it an anti-seizure drug.”

“But...”

“It's different when I do it. And your girlfriend cannot have my ice crusher. I need it.”

“What for?”

“Mincing piglet food.”

“House... that's just disgusting.”

“It's my ice crusher.”

Wilson eyed the piglet again, which was now snuffling around on the ground, probably looking for some ice crusher-minced food. “What are you going to do with it, once your little experiment is over?”

Wilson could almost hear the shrug over the phone. “No idea. It can live in the kitchen. Or the living room. There's enough space. I can built a pigsty.”

“You cannot live with a pig.”

“Says who?”

Wilson covered his eyes with the the hand that wasn't holding the phone. Sometimes he really did wonder if House's inner age was five. “You know what, I'll come over to the hospital and then we'll talk.“

„Great. Then you can tell my why your girlfriend suddenly has the urge to make alcoholic drinks. And bring some beers and Chinese.“

„House, I'm not-“ But the line had already disconnected.

Wilson sighed and took one last glance at the pig, which was watching him intently now. “I'm not gonna feed you,” he told the pig. Somehow it didn't seem so creepy any more.

“I'm not going to get attached to a pig.” Wilson told himself sternly and then fled from the apartment, before he gave in to the urge to touch the thing.

When he got the Chinese food, though, he made sure to get the kind that didn't have any pork in it.


End file.
